TEMPORARY MATES PERMANENT CRAVINGS novel Chapter 38

Thirty Eight

CAMERON

I spent the rest of the day with Evangeline.

She was in bed when I arrived, propped against a pile of pillows with a book in her hands. She set it aside when she saw me.

“Cameron.” Her face brightened. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I wanted to see you.” I sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” She smiled. “The new medication seems to be helping. Dr. Beauty says my vitals are more stable than they’ve been in weeks.”

“That’s good.”

“It is.” She squeezed my hand. “Maybe we’re turning a corner. Maybe I’m not dying after all.”

“I hope so,” I said.

We sat together in quiet for a while. My attention drifted to the tray of food untouched on the bedside table.

“You haven’t eaten.”

Evangeline’s smile faded. “I’m not very hungry.”

“You need to eat, Eva. You’re already too thin.”

“I know, but food doesn’t appeal to me lately. Everything tastes strange.”

“Please.” I picked up the tray and held it toward her. “For me. Just a little.”

She sighed but took a piece of chicken and nibbled at it. Then she tried the soup. I watched her carefully while she ate, relieved when she managed half the bowl.

“See?” I said. “That wasn’t so bad.”

She gave a weak smile. “No, it wasn’t-”

She lurched forward, her hand covering her mouth.

I shoved the tray aside and grabbed the basin from the nightstand just in time. Everything she’d eaten came back

Fear punched through my chest. “Eva-”

“I’m fine.” She wiped her mouth with shaking fingers. “Sometimes the food just doesn’t stay down.”

“We need to call the doctor.”

“No.” She grabbed my wrist. “Please, Cameron. I’m tired of doctors. I’m tired of tests and treatments and being poked and prodded. I just want to rest.”

“But-” 1

“Please.” Tears filled her eyes. “Just let me rest.”

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The exhaustion in her face stopped the argument before it began.

“Okay,” I said. “Rest.”

I stayed until she fell asleep, her fingers still wrapped around mine.

That night I tried sleeping in my own quarters.

I couldn’t.

Every time I closed my eyes, Lisa was there. Her body beneath mine. The sounds she made when she came. The way she held onto me when I knotted inside her.

I forced my thoughts toward Evangeline instead. Toward the life we built together, the promises we made, the bond between us.

It didn’t help.

Around midnight I gave up and went to her room.

She stirred when I slid into bed beside her. “Cameron?”

“I’m here.” I pulled her against my chest. “Go back to sleep.”

She settled into me, fragile and warm in my arms.

I pressed a kiss to her hair and waited for the feelings that should have come with it. Love. Devotion. The pull of the mate bond.

All I felt was guilt.

Evangeline shifted closer in her sleep.

I focused on her, forcing my thoughts toward the bond between us, the life we shared. My hand drifted down her side and between her legs.

She woke with a soft sound. “Cameron?”

“I need you,” I murmured.

It wasn’t entirely a lie.

I needed proof that I could still want her. That the mate bond still meant something. That Lisa hadn’t broken something inside me.

Evangeline turned toward me and kissed me.

I kissed her back, trying to lose myself in the familiar taste of her mouth.

But all I could think about was how different it felt from kissing Lisa.

I moved over her, settling between her legs.

She was ready.

I should have been hard.

I wasn’t.

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I shut my eyes and forced my mind back to the forest. To Lisa beneath me, her body arching as I pushed inside her, the way she sounded when she came.

Shame crawled through me as my body finally responded.

“Yes,” Evangeline whispered. “I’ve missed this.”

I entered her and hated myself with every movement.

She felt different. Her body didn’t respond to mine the way Lisa’s did.

I tried to find a rhythm. Tried to make it good for her.

My body refused to cooperate.

I couldn’t get fully hard. The pace never built the way it should have. When I tried to let the knot form the way it had with Lisa, nothing happened.

My body refused.

Later I lay beside her, staring at the ceiling while she slept against my shoulder.

None of this made sense.

I had a mate. The Moon Goddess chose her. We shared a bond. 2

And yet I couldn’t perform with her. I couldn’t get hard without thinking about someone else. I couldn’t knot her even though I’d knotted Lisa again and again.

Mate bonds didn’t work this way.

You couldn’t replace them.

You couldn’t override them.

You couldn’t start feeling something for someone outside the bond.

It was impossible.

Wasn’t it?

Then why couldn’t I stop thinking about Lisa?

Why did her absence feel like withdrawal?

Why did touching Evangeline feel like betraying Lisa instead of the other way around?

I had no answers.

That terrified me more than anything.

Lisa needed to get pregnant.

That was the thought running through my mind as I lay in the dark holding my mate while thinking about another

woman.

I lay beside Evangeline, staring at the ceiling while she slept against my shoulder.

Something was wrong with me.

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My wolf shifted under my skin, restless, pacing instead of settling the way he normally did when I lay beside my mate. A low warning rolled through my chest before I could stop it.

I went still.

What the hell was that?

Evangeline stirred again, her hand sliding across my stomach as if searching for me even in her sleep. My wolf pushed back harder this time, a sharp rejection that made my muscles tighten.

I eased her hand away and shifted to the edge of the bed.

Mate bonds didn’t work like this. Your wolf recognized your mate. Needed them. Protected them.

Mine was acting like Evangeline was wrong.

I slid out of bed and left the room before the noise in my head woke her.

The corridor outside her wing was dark and quiet. I walked without thinking and ended up outside Franklin’s

office.

His light was still on.I knocked and pushed the door open.

“I need a drink.”

Franklin looked up from the reports spread across his desk. I grabbed the bottle from his cabinet and poured without asking.

Franklin watched me over the rim of his glass. “What happened?”

“Nothing.”

He snorted. “You don’t come here in the middle of the night for nothing.”

I leaned against the desk and stared at the whiskey in my

hand.

“My wolf reacted tonight. He’s rejecting my mate.”

Franklin looked confused.

“Your wolf rejecting your mate would mean the bond is damaged.”

“The bond isn’t damaged. It’s the bloody ritual. The bond muting. That has to be it.”

Franklin said nothing.

I drained the glass and poured another.

“She’s sick,” I continued. “Her scent is off. Her body is weak, My wolf is reacting to that. Instinct. Nothing more.”

“You’re trying very hard to convince yourself of that.”

“I don’t need convincing. I’m only attracted to Lisa sexually. That’s biology. We’ve been having sex every night trying to get her pregnant. My body got used to it.”

Franklin studied me like he was dissecting a corpse.

“You think sexual habit overrides a mate bond?”

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“I think the bond muting ritual is interfering with everything.”

“And when Lisa gets pregnant?”

“It ends.” I set the glass down. “The contract ends. She leaves. My body resets.”

Franklin sighed, “You’re an Alpha. If the pack finds out you’re struggling to perform with your mate while sleeping with a surrogate, it won’t just be gossip. It will damage your authority.”

“I’m aware.”

“So what’s your plan?”

“My plan is to get Lisa pregnant.

Franklin shook his head.

“You’re treating a symptom and ignoring the disease. You’re emotionally compromised.”

“I’m not in love with her.”

“I didn’t say you were.”

I straightened. “This isn’t complicated.”

Franklin’s eyes stayed on me.

“It never is for the person in denial.”

I grabbed the bottle, took another swallow straight from the neck and walked away.

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