TEMPORARY MATES PERMANENT CRAVINGS novel Chapter 23

Twenty–Three web link

CAMERON POV

I returned to the hospital at four–thirty in the morning. The sky was still dark and the hallways sat nearly empty, staffed only by a handful of night–shift nurses moving quietly between rooms.

I hadn’t slept. I hadn’t even tried.

After leaving Lisa’s room, I went straight to mine and stood under the shower until the hot water burned my skin. I scrubbed until the scent of soap overpowered everything else. Every trace of her had to disappear before I saw Evangeline again.

Every trace of what I’d done.

When I stepped into Evangeline’s room, she was still asleep. Machines hummed softly beside the bed while her chest rose and fell in steady rhythm. I stopped near the window and leaned against the wall, staring out at the black glass while the hospital lights reflected back at me.

The memories came anyway.

Lisa beneath me.

The moment I pushed inside her for the first time.

The way my body reacted.

I tried to shove the thoughts away, but they pressed forward again. The pleasure had been intense. I’d had to force myself not to knot her. The instinct rose fast and violent, my body preparing for it before I crushed it down with every ounce of control I had.

Knotting outside a mate bond was shameful. It was something reckless adolescents did before they found their mates, something adults avoided even discussing. Losing control like that marked weakness.

I was an Alpha, Control was not optional.

Yet with Lisa, I had come dangerously close.

The moment I entered her and felt her body tighten around me, a surge of satisfaction tore through me so hard it left me gripping the mattress just to stay focused.

It was nothing like sex with Evangeline.

With Evangeline it had always been difficult. My body resisted even when my mind tried to push past it. Even before her illness worsened, something between us had never aligned the way it should. I had never been able to knot her, never been able to finish inside her the way a mated pair should. I blamed the illness and told myself that was the reason.

But with Lisa, a woman I did not love, my body responded instantly.

Powerfully.

And her scent made it worse.

Vanilla and night flowers. When she grew aroused the scent thickened in the air and wrapped around me until it filled my lungs.

It pushed every instinct inside me into overdrive.

Beneath the surface, my wolf stirred restlessly at the memory.

every

I had wanted more. I had wanted to stay buried inside her and let that scent swallow rational thought in my head. The second I finished, I pulled away before the instinct could take hold. I refused to knot her. I refused to linger.

But the wanting had been there.

That was the problem.

I told myself it was biology. A Lycan instinct responding to a fertile female.

It meant nothing.

But the excuse collapsed the moment I examined it too closely. If it were only biology, my body would react the same way to Evangeline, my mate, the woman chosen for me by the Moon Goddess.

Instead, it reacted that way to Lisa.

A contract surrogate.

A werewolf.

A stranger.

The thought sat wrong in my chest.

This had to be a test. Some twisted challenge meant to measure my loyalty to Evangeline, my commitment to the bond we shared.

I wasn’t going to fail it.

When Evangeline stirred, the first line of sunligh had begun creeping through the hospital window. She blinked a few times, disoriented, then focused on me.

“Cameron.”

I crossed the room immediately and sat beside her. She reached for me and I leaned forward carefully, pulling her into my arms while keeping the IV line from pulling at her wrist.

Something about holding her felt different.

Unfamiliar in a way that unsettled me.

I pushed the thought aside.

“Here,” I said, helping her sit up and arranging the pillows behind her back. “Take it easy.”

She studied my face.

Then she smiled.

“You did it, didn’t you?”

“Eva-”

“You did.” Her voice stayed quiet. “Something woke me last night. I knew.”

I nodded. She lifted a hand and brushed my cheek

“I’m glad.”

The words left me with nothing to say.

Then she asked,

“Did you enjoy it?”

The question caught me off guard.

“What?”

“The sex,” she clarified. “With her.”

“Of course not.”

Evangeline watched my face a moment longer, then nodded as if satisfied.

“Did she enjoy it?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask.”

“Mmm. Did you kiss her?”

“No.”

“Did you knot her?”

I leaned back with a groan.

“Eva, why are we talking about this?”

“Because I need to know,” she said calmly, tightening her grip on my hand. “I need to know exactly what happened.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I won’t.” I tightened my grip around her fingers. “You’re my mate. My only mate.‘

“Technically, yes. Though extended observation wouldn’t be unreasonable.”

“I hate hospitals,” Evangeline said. “They make everything worse. I need to be home.”

I exhaled through my teeth.

“At least two days.”

She turned to me with the soft smile that always made me give in.

“I promise I’ll rest. I’ll take my medication exactly the way the doctor says.

I studied her face.

She had already decided.

“Fine,” I muttered.

She reached for my shirt and tugged me closer.

“Kiss me.”

I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers, and something inside me recoiled. A tight discomfort spread through my chest while the kiss lasted.

Kissing my own mate felt wrong,

I pulled back as quickly as I could without making it obvious and forced a neutral expression.

A few minutes later I stepped into the hallway and braced my hands against the wall.

What the hell was happening to me?

I returned home hours later after Evangeline settled back into her quarters with a nurse assigned to watch her.

I told myself I needed sleep.

But the moment I lay down my mind started again.

I pushed off the bed and went back to the shower instead. Steam filled the bathroom while hot water hammered against my shoulders.

The first shower had stripped away Lisa’s scent.

This one was supposed to erase the memory.

It didn’t.

Lisa gasping beneath me.

The way her body clenched when I entered her.

The release that followed.

I braced my hands against the tile and lowered my head.

My body remembered.

My wolf remembered.

No matter how many times I told myself it meant nothing, the image returned again and again.

The woman who wasn’t my mate.

I stayed under the water until the heat faded and the stream ran cold.

Even then, the shame refused to wash away.